Ode to a Miele

By Andy Nash (realname TM) "Vac-Master Nash"
Seriously? You want me to write a review for a vacuum cleaner? A vacuum cleaner. How is it that gmail doesn't catch these e-mails anyway? Oh well ...

It's a vacuum cleaner. I mean it's not like I bought it because I wanted to. Or because I really really liked it. What can I say? It was a gift. For my mother. In honor of all the vacuuming she did for me growing up. A thoughtful son, wouldn't you agree?

She sent me an e-mail saying she liked it. But, then, isn't that what all modern mothers do?

Photos? Now you want photos too? Well I do remember one with an old girlfriend. It was a hot steamy day and it was our first time doing serious ... cleaning ... what did you think I would put in a review? She began vacuuming TOPLESS! Thankfully Facebook wasn't around for sharing embarrassing photos then (what did we do without it?) so it's lost. But, wait, it was another brand of vacuum (funny the things you remember about relationships), so never mind!

What about design? Well if I wanted a cool design I would have bought a Dyson. By the way, aren't those Dyson Blade hand driers great? Most of those hand dryers in public restrooms are like Republicans, lots of hot air with no real use, but I digress.

The Miele does look cool. Perhaps I should draw a picture of it, making it look smaller and send it to the Transportation Security Administration. I could say that I saw someone trying to sneak one into an airplane restroom for who knows what evil purpose. Imagine being searched at airports for mini vacuums. Ignore this paragraph, in addition to shamelessly ripping off Graham Greene (Our man in Havana), it doesn't have anything to do with this review. (By the way, the book and film are great - oh no, now I'll need to write two more reviews.)

Is there a word requirement for a review?

Actually, I'll fess up. I actually have a Miele too. That's why I bought one for my mother. I can't say I like it, I mean who really likes vacuum cleaners? I hate using it, although I hate using it less than I hated using my old vacuum cleaner. As a vacuum cleaner it's pretty good.

I guess that's enough. Aren't you glad I didn't say the vacuum cleaner "sucks"?

Posted to Amazon on November 6, 2009 - I wonder how long it will last?